The Exercise Debate

Good morning :)

Today, I thought I would discuss the role of exercise in recovery, the role it has played in my illness and whether it is acceptable to take part in some exercise during recovery. The reason the thought for this post was sparked off was because of my appointment on the Wednesday just gone.. I had stuck roughly..to the "restoring regular eating" meal plan which i have a blog post on. Restoring Regular Eating Meal Plan Click Here.

So , being the ever optimistic teen i am, i tried to bargain my way into being allowed to start running but i knew the chances were slim...the previous week my heart rate had only been 30 and although it had increased due to better nutrition this week, obviously my body is hardly "cured". But honestly i feel like my mind cannot take another week of eating anything without some form of intense exercise..i just feel so different after a week of eating..uncomfortable, it does not feel safe. 

I proposed starting running and trips to the gym or yoga/body balance classes (which i actually love, despite the obvious burning of calories which is always favourable) but this was not approved and i must have gambled with the poor woman for 20 minutes and she finally said cycling 3 times a week. (no hills, have to be supervised and no road racing haha).. Which is total shit in Anorexia's opinion. But, i am also very lucky as next week i will be starting a day patient programme for every day and obviously will hardly be allowed to walk let alone go cycling! I am pretty sure my psychologist is using this cycling as an incentive for me to stick to eating..so i can get on the treatment course ( you have to have eaten the restoring regular eating meal plan and restoring healthy weight meal plan for 2 weeks prior to admission). She is very particular about me doing any exercise and walking anywhere is almost a no no due to my poor physical state but hey ho...

I thought the exercise would have been more acceptable considering i am meant to be starting the "restoring healthy weight" meal plan today (although that is not going to be happening...i will post an update to make things clearer).

I have to say, this is quite intense writing for 7am on a Friday!

MOVING ON...(lol, i write too much) i think on one hand exercise makes us feel calmer about eating..but only for a certain period of time. I feel as though once i get into the gym i can often actually feel fatter and worse if i cannot use every machine for 3 hours and i find myself comparing myself with other girls. However, i will still be going to do my cycle because obviously i absolutely cannot hack not doing anything and eating such vast amounts.. but i think this time round, i really need to tackle exercise as an issue as it really was the pivotal point of my anorexia this time round in particular. I often feel like i have to do the same thing over and over again and burn an exact number of calories, which becomes very obsessive and very tiring on the mind and i want exercise to be enjoyed (it always was) but i do not want to be stressing about burning 50 calories less one day or not walking home one day.

I REALLY wanted to go to body balance today..but it is not allowed..only supervised cycling :( sigh.. 

Overall, i think that the physical state of the sufferer has to be considered and obviously dependent on the stage of recovery before exercise is reconvened in a sufferer's life. It is really quite personal to the sufferer and it can either drive the anorexia further or possibly help to balance the thoughts about eating.

H x

Balancing thoughts- CBT Techniques for Anorexia Nervosa

So, i have come up with several thoughts that have mounted the last few days...as i have just embarked on a meal plan to "restore regular eating" which is basically the starter meal plan treatment centres put patients with Anorexia Nervosa on, right at the beginning of treatment. (fun? not.) I have been sticking to this plan (near enough) for two days now and i am really starting to feel as though i can no longer manage the grief Anorexia is putting me through which is why i am going to attempt to balance these thoughts and make it through till Wednesday (the day of my appointment and my meal plan will be increased by 1000 calories) sigh. give me strength.

It has been an awfully long time since i last did this, but i hope these examples will inspire someone while helping me too (slightly selfish!). I learn this technique at my last admission to the Maudsley and i remember it helping immensely. Note: you need to have had nutrition for a day at least for this to work...our brains cannot work starved which is why we get these horrible, destructive thoughts. 

Negative thought: 
"if you eat that, the Maudsley will think you are fine and you don't have a problem... Fat!"

Positive thought:
"no. I need to follow this meal plan or i will not be able to embark on the ITP programme to recover and i will not perform as well in my AS levels. I need to eat at least this for a week and then a week on the meal plan the next level up to be able to start the ITP programme. You must trust the Maudsley, you will not get fat from this meal plan, the weight you gain will be mostly from hydration and you may even lose weight after several days because of this. Your body is starved and emaciated and without this nutrition you will die sooner or later. "

I'm rather tired from a day of re-feeding and revising and also seeing my mum (which is always taxing and often makes me feel worse about my  ed) so im going to end this here but i hope this was helpful and you get the idea. Keep going back to these and i'm sure they will come of some use, i already feel better! 

Much love and my bestest wishes to any sufferers, 
heres a bed time smiling selfie hahaaa

H 
x