I'm back! & ups and downs

I am back to blogging!! With treatment and exams, I just couldn't find the time or the words or even knew what I wanted out of blogging. However, now I am ready to begin and use blogging as a diary of my journey to recovery. It pains me to say that, I really am losing hope after all these years. When will it be my time, the right time? I am now a day patient on an intensive treatment programme (ITP) 5 days a week and it feels like despite this, I have gone back in some respects and forward in others. I am resistant to any food and I am tired if my dad monitoring everything. It feels stupid at 17, but then again if be didn't I would not eat and I would never reach a state of recovery. The day unit is a safe place, but at the same time I hate it. Every meal is a struggle and my anxiety levels are sky high. Also, I have actually lost weight despite being on the 3000 calorie meal plan which is slightly odd so I am actually less now than when I went in. I'm sure they are lying haha. So, I am  also hoping to go on a Geography day study trip on Tuesday but I am doubtful of the unit being keen on that due to this weekend being a bit of a failure..

We shall see.

Keep fighting soldiers